My romantic life has been so rubbishy lately that I was quite interested when Rachel told me I ought to give magic a go. She discovered on the internet that the thing to do was to, first of all, write down all the things you are looking for in a man, and put it in an envelope in a safe place. Then you find out when the full moon is: 18th of this month – and on that evening you get hold of an African aphrodisiac called Yohimbe (available in health food stores), take some, and channel all your energy into ‘sex magic’ – i.e. thinking longingly of this new man who is going to come into your life. And then, apparently, he’ll appear within a couple of weeks. So here’s my list:
1) Healthy
2) Financially sound: lives in a lovely place
3) Kind and thoughtful
4) Not too old
5) No bad breath
6) Never clips toenails in front of you
7) Preferably has hair on his head
8) Preferably no paunch
9) Doesn’t mind waiting around while other people dry their hair, go shopping etc
10) Likes kittens. And cake.
I didn’t want to be too fussy, and rule out too many people. The papers have been full of stuff about ‘the dark triad’ recently, i.e. women prefer men who are narcissistic, thrill-seeking and selfish, but I think Iif I’m going in for witchcraft it’s probably best to keep it white and not ask for anything dark and creepy. Not v keen on this Yohimbe stuff. May substitute something else like watermelon (just been revealed as superaphrodisiac).
