Fudging bald men

Fudging hell! Bang goes the diet, yet again I have eaten far too much cake. In fact lunch was just cake. Anyway I deserved it after last night. It started off well, my shoes and nail varnish matched to perfection. It was downhill after then, Ms D and Ms N were supposed to meet me at the Bluebird bar but never turned up. I am sure we got our wires crossed. I sat on my own for a while slowly drinking a rather lovely petite chablis. After about thirty minutes of trying to look like I had intended to go out drinking on my own, a very friendly man with a bald head approached me. He was very kind and sat very close to me, touching my leg in a 'I will be your friend kind of way'. He offered to buy me a bottle of bubbles which was terribly generous of him. He then suggested that we go to his and that perhaps I would feel a little more comfortable if I took my knickers off. I don't know what gave him that idea anyway it sort of turned sour after I said I jolly well wasn't going to take my satin la perla panties off. He then said that I was an old fat cow and was lucky to get any attention at all. Too top it all off he said that I was wearing 'Fxxk me shoes', not on. Anyhoo I decided that I wouldn't let such a negative man ruin my evening and tottered off to another bar down the road, unfortunately by then I was a little worse for the wear and the burly chaps on the door wouldn't let me in.

Ms L (who sits opposite me) keeps on going on and on about her new scotty dog, I mean it is rather insensitive as she knows how much I want a kitten....