Staycations With Cats

Rache came round again last night (to get away from Oskarthe evil cat) and said she was very depressed because she can’t afford a holiday, and needs one. I’ve spent so much lately on shoes, dresses to impress Michael etc that I can’t really afford one either. So we’re going to have staycations. Rache says we should exactly replicate all the things we like best about going abroad.
1) The hotel experience:
We’d clean our flats and fill the bathroom with mini-soaps and shower gels, and put paper wrappers on the loo. Then we’d lay out a breakfast that included mini cereals in boxes, and possibly something completely unsuitable unappealing and peculiar, too, like dates in syrup or slices of boiled ham. (Rache thinks we ought to swap flats, too, as that would make it more like a hioliday, but I’m not keen on spending my whole holiday with Oskar.)
2) I like reading loads of chick-lit while lying on a lounger, being warm, and getting a tan. Rache likes getting completely bladdered, dancing on tables in clubs, and sleeping until teatime. Both of these can easily be done at home. I wondered if we should keep to one particular cuisine – say, Indian, for the whole two weeks, just to give the experience authenticity.
3) Rache says we ought to stick together (getting slightly annoyed with your friend is part of the holiday vibe) also meet new people, especially waiters and sports instructors (i.e. not the usual sort of man), so we might spend a lot of time in health clubs, maybe trying out free introductory days – in order to economize.
4) And of course we have to wear clothes we’d be embarrassed to wear at home: strange kaftans bought at discount markets, ultra-tight shorts etc.

It’s been quite cheering thinking up all this stuff. Maybe it’ll be OK after all. Actually, the bits I like most about holidaysare the flight out (esp the weird airline meal), and waking up in the motning knowing it’s going to be hot and hearing really unfamiliar sounds like cicadas, donkeys braying. Not sure how to replicate these.