Wednesday 11 June 2008

The Man Who Can't Do The Opposite of Go

Oops, sorry about that, but it’s like being a double –agent at the moment, with constant surveillance. What I was going to say is that Jo’s boyfriend has this difficult thing wrong with him: he cannot come. Or at leastvery often. So – as Jo says – every intimate encounter involves him saying he might or (after nearly an hour) he nearly did, and her trying incredibly hard (with the help of Rigby & Peller corsetry, sex-tricks from mags like Marie Claire and Scarlet). And, mostly, total failure. And the worst of it is, she says, that when he’s alone he says he manages to get there perfectly well. To start with, it didn’t really matter, especially as he did, more often, and also said she was the best etc, but now it is getting worse and really starting to irritate her’
And I think the really problem is that they are total opposites, because she shows no sign of leaving this comfy flat with ensuite kitten. So they’re the man who can’t come, and the woman who won’t go.

5 comments:

The Topiary Cow said...

Cow still reeling from the fact that a co-worker of (?) only a few weeks thinks it's okay to STAY univited. With a suitcase no less.

And, Cow guessing Martyn is on drugs, lots have that side effect with men.

(Cow quickly weaving a Non-Welcome Mat for Scones from crispy Topiary)

Moo!

scones with jam and cream said...

Dear Topiary, how fascinating. What drugs, specifically? Love from scones

The Topiary Cow said...

Adderall, anything for ADHD. Probably others.

scones with jam and cream said...

Dear Topiary, what interesting things you know! You really have lived, Love scones x

The Topiary Cow said...

This was hard-earned knowledge. Haha.

As a matter of fact a sleazy ex had this problem and swore he wasn't taking anything...Cow later found bottles and bottles of the stuff and looked it up. Well-known side effects of most of the amphetamine classes.

Men who are insecure take it for that purpose apparently. It becomes a problem because instead of being pleasurable the act becomes an hours-long trial of patience as they try and try and try and can't. Also leads to urinary tract infections in the female from the unnatural time spent.

(Cow feeling sorry that she now probably told you waaaay more than you wanted to know!)

Moo!