Had a bit of a fright on Sunday. I was lying in bed with Mirabelle, eating a bit of cheesecake that got unaccountably left over, and reading Heat, when the doorbell rang. So I got up. (In my best silk negligee. I think you ALWAYS have to wear gorgeous underwear etc, even if you are alone, otherwise what is the point of living? Also it has to colour-coordinate with the other stuff you wear.This is not extravagance, just common sense.)
Anyway, I was glad I have this rule as it was Glenn. He pushed his way in before I could slam the door. He looked quite clean - no earth on neck, hair tied back, T-shirt reading ‘I’m not a gynaecologist, but I’ll have a look’ – and he had a Tesco bag in his hand. He said he’d brough me some breakfast, and asked where the kitchen was.
I thought the best thing to do was humour him, so I said I had to change, and rushed into my room where I rang J and asked her to come over at once. Then I put on a frumpy long-sleeved top, trousers and no make-up, and went to see what Glenn was doing.
He’s transformed my kitchen: found the tablecloth and spread it out, and put some (slightly droopy )coloured tulips in a vase, and poured out a strawberry smoothie, and was just fiddling with my coffee machine. The place smelled of bacon and buttered pasrty: he’d grilled some bacon, made scrambled eggs and heated up four almond croissants (my favourite). I was really touched, especially as he didn’t appear to be mad, or drunk, or angry. He just made a huge fuss of Mirabelle (who was purring loudly, the slutty thing) and asked me if I minded being told I was the most beautiful, sexy woman he’d ever seen?
We’d almost finished when J turned up, looking cross and red-faced and out-if-breath, having sped across London. She shouted at Glenn, telling him not to bother me etc. I felt awful, and really sorry for Glenn. And then she looked at the breakfast and said; ‘Where did you get the money for all this? Did you steal it?’
Glenn looked pleased. ‘No.’ he said,
‘Well how did you get it, then?
And Glenn explained that he’d gone round the back of Tesco’s at 5 a.m. and PULLED IT ALL OUT OF THEIR RUBBISH SKIP.
12 comments:
Not sure what the fuss is, it seems highly appropriate that you should be fed rubbish by a useless tramp.
Well...I think that's a LITTLE unkind.
Poor scones, I weigh nearly forty stone and have no teeth. I can't rememeber the last time I saw my toes and I completely understand what is like to be stalked by a man without a job. Only the other day I was walking down the street and at least five ex-male strippers told me I was the most attractive woman that they had ever seen.
Dear Char, thank you for calling in, love scones x
Dearie me. Cow doesn't know what upsets her more, him showing up, him having pulled it from trash, or him being proud of it.
Man seems seriously deranged.
Cow recommends a book to scones called "The Gift of Fear" which has details about inappropriate actions by criminals such as invading your space and coming in your house on flimsy pretexts, as a prelude to them attacking you.
Be careful out there, scones!
Dear topiary, I don't think he means any harm: he's just a little strange. He said that all the food was perfectly OK and he was an 'eco-warrior' for raiding the Tesco skip.It sounded kind of plausible - but I've been feeling queasy all day. Is garbage poisonous? Love from scones xx
PS who wrote the book?
Scones, here's a Link.
It's a very interesting read. Your library might have it.
(Cow opening an alka-selter and sending it to scones)
Eco-warrior? Bah.
Moo!
Hi Scones,
In response to your question yesterday yes I have considered WLS -- I have just posted a bit about it today.
Best wishes,
Sharon
Dear Topiary, thanks for that. Looks very interesting.
Dear Goodbyetoallfat. How awful that you can't get it on the NHS and can't afford it. It seems so unfair. Still, good for you for doing it the hard way.
Love from scones xx
Cow was hearing on the news this morning about a woman who had an epileptic fit while driving (rescued by emergency personnel).
While being interviewed, she said the epilepsy was a side-effect of her gastric by-pass surgery.
Cow thinks the old way is the best way, hard but at least you don't have the possibility of these horrible complications.
Dear topiary, I hadn't heard that. i had heard, though, that you have to be v careful what you eat after a GB as you only have a tiny stomach (obviously) so have to eat brilliantly nutritious stuff (seeds, spinach etc). If you just eat chocolate brownies you collapse from nutritional deficiency.Which must be hard going, seeing as the folk who go in for GBs are the sort who are completely INCAPABLE of eating wisely. (Though, I can hardly talk...)Love scones x
Skips can provide the most nutritious of meals... Sell-by dates etc are often (but not always) a little silly and it's rather wasteful to import decent food only to throw it away. I've had fresh fruit and vegetables, dried apricots and pecans from skips, and I'm still alive! I've even made the most delicious cheesecake with cream cheese and strawberries found in a skip. It all needs a jolly decent scrub, and obviously a good going over with a careful eye (especially the dairy). As a veggie I've never bothered with meat but I must say I'd be very wary of eating meat from a bin. But bring on the croissants!
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